My Inner Struggles

My Inner Struggles

I crept through a narrow space in one corner of my room.
Staring, crying and could not understand how I feel.

Anxious, afraid and don’t know what to do. I could not express myself.
I don’t want them to hurt me!
Their voices are so loud. It’ hurts my ear!
I could not even understand what they are trying to say to me.

Why can’t they leave me alone?
I want to play on my own.
I love to spin the wheel of my toy car. It’s fun!
I don’t want any other children to play with me.
Why do they have to turn off the tap?
I want to play water and see the water flow over my skin. It makes me happy!
Why do I have to wear these clothes?
It itches and makes my skin sore. I only want to wear the same type of clothes! I love the feel of it when it touches my skin.
I don’t like this food. It tastes bad! I don’t like that smell. It’s awful!

These are my inner struggles.
Why is it hard for you to accept and understand?
It takes time for me to learn things.
You don’t have to raise your voice in order to change my ways.
Be gentle and say it nicely, please.
I also have feelings that could easily get hurt.
I may look the same as you but I act in certain ways that are quite different from you.
I have my own preferences that you should try to respect and understand.
I am teachable as long as you keep your instructions simple and clear.
Please don’t try to complicate things. It makes me more anxious and confused.
I think through images and pictures.
I love routines and I learn in a structured way.
You have to remind me every time through lots of prompts because I tend to forget easily. This is due to my short term memory.
Take me to somewhere nice where I could exert my energy without being anxious to the things around me.
Crowded, noisy and new places scare me.
I love my mom. She is special to me.
I love my toy bear. It brings me comfort.
I got ‘special friends’ at school.
They are so nice and good to me. They take care of me and play along with me. I like them very much!

So you see, I have these inner struggles that I, myself find it hard to understand.
I don’t want these things but they are inside me and it is me.
I may be different, but remember, I also have feelings like you.
I just wanted to be accepted, loved and understood!

This poem was created in dedication to my son’s inner struggles with autism.
I was inspired to create this poem in the way I see my son struggled with his sensory issues when he was little. I was able to communicate with him through his emotions and taught him different emotions to enable him to identify what he feels.
These inner struggles made it hard for people, who do not know him to accept and to understand his ways. Every day is like a battle for him which he has to cope and live with.
My intention is for people to see and feel what it’s like to be different and how one could help to make a difference to someone who feels different.

“Join me in creating a world of difference by raising autism awareness and understanding!”

8 thoughts on “My Inner Struggles

  1. This is impressive Adel. I have met him and he is a very confident person. We have a good conversation in which he led and ommunicated in the way he is comfortable with. He told me in an excited way how he is looking forward to work. He is so intelligent and observant. Adel good job you are a superb mom you have given him independence and he is thankful.

    1. Thank you. He is indeed getting to that stage of being gradually independent. Although he is still having occasional sensory issues, he has learned to control it and tries his best to interact socially. Through our continuous support, love and encouragement, he he has learned to face the world sensibly.

  2. I love the poem

    it describes a person with autism pretty wel, I can feel the love you give to your son.

    More people have to think like this and try to learn what ASD really is about. And it pains my heart that people tend to look down on them.

    I do understand it’s not easy living with a child with autism because every day is a challenge.

    1. Thank you, Freddy, for appreciating my poem. The reason why I created this poem is for people to understand how it feels to have autism. The inner struggles that they have to bear and to learn how to cope with their every daychallenges.

  3. Adel, that was an amazing poem. I can almost feel the struggle that your son was undergoing. The frustration in kids with autism is so often misinterpreted as just having a temper, but in reality, they’re just having difficulty communicating in ways we believe to be ‘normal’. This is a timely reminder that no one really knows the mind of another, but despite this we should be open and understanding in our views. Thank you so much for sharing.

    1. You are welcome, Joshua. Every day is a challenge for them that they have to cope with so we have to help them through giving our full support, love and understanding.

  4. You have created a beautiful poem for your son. I imagine it can be very difficult to express your feelings to those who don’t think and feel in the same way. I hope in sharing these words you are able to shed some light for those who may not know or be close to someone who struggles in this way. Thank you for sharing this with the world 🙂

    1. Thank you, Ashley, for appreciating my poem for my son. I just want to impart to the world how people who have autism think and feel. They may be different but they are also like us who have feelings that could easily get hurt. Through this poem, I will be able to enlighten people’s minds and hearts about how they think and feel about autism.

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